From Tulle to Tragedy: Every Dress in 27 Dresses, Ranked
“Always a bridesmaid, never a bride”
Sure, 27 Dresses has Judy Greer serving up peak snark, James Marsden finally landing the girl, and that chaotic, tipsy “Bennie and the Jets” sing-along, but the real showstoppers are right there in the title.
Jane’s closet is a graveyard of bridal fashion crimes: ruffles, tulle, pastels, matching handbags… you name it, she’s worn it. As Kevin deadpans, “What was the theme? Humiliation?”
It’s the perfect wink at the absurdity of bridesmaid tradition, the lie every bride tells that “you can totally wear it again.”
Let us walk down memory lane and review the dresses Jane modelled, each more spectacularly awful than the last.
Number 27: Egregious Emerald
This green taffeta dress, might be the most offensive one of them all. It’s the combination of everything I hate, egregiously large puffy sleeves, mismatched gloves, ruffles and not to mention the awkward dress length. If I attended the wedding of the bride that had her bridesmaids dress like this, I would think that she secretly hated them.
Number 26:
The next unsuspected victim to this tier list is this dowdy long puffy dress, that looks like it was fashioned by a ladies maid during the regency era. Also, I thought bridesmaids and guests were not allowed to wear white to a wedding , I guess the bride never got the memo.
Number 25: Scuba Dress
As shocking as it is, I need to give the bride points for innovation. I’m putting it down here not only because not only do I have to simultaneously see the groomsmen in speedos, but I feel like the bride could' have been more creative with the colour selection.
Number 24: Bluebottle Blue
In an ode to the bluebottles here in Australia the ruffles absolutely stung me in the eyes. The are sharp yet fluffy and weigh down the whole dress. I cannot image what it would be like to walk around in it let alone having to sit. Also, the colour being a grey dull blue doesn’t help the case of this dress being higher on this list.
Number 23: Ms. Bo Peep
Looks like Ms. Heigel has lost her sheep with this gone with the wind inspired bridesmaid dress. Now I’m all for a themed wedding but out of all the themes to pick from this one has got to be the worst.
Number 22: Dreadfully Dapper
I think the only this tolerable with this outfit are the shoes. Everything from the knee up is definitely something I’d like to forget. Let’s start with the awful pale shade of pink, juxtaposed with the black belt, followed by the awful ruffled collar drawing inspiration from the historic jabot. However, I got to say the worst part definitely goes to the statement bowtie choker to match the very fitting top hat.
Number 21: Watermelon Wonder
I’m gonna take a strong guess that this might have been a summer wedding? or maybe that the bride likes fruit, because this colour combo is reminiscent that of a watermelon.
Number 20: Think Pink
While I do like this colour I have a personal vendetta puffy sleeve, for me it’s like watching a slow train wreck. I also don’t quite understand the outdated print and mismatched bag.
Number 19: Magenta Madness
As much as I love the richness of the colour, and how the colour match is absolutely seamless. It’s hard to overlook the obnoxiously huge roses and the unforgiving statement hat.
Number 18: Highlighter Yellow
After having to readjusting my eyes from the neon yellow, I do really like the cohesion of this dress. What really adds to the charm are the tiny pops of salmon pink with the butterfly embellishments, which unintentionally breaks up this harsh colour. Although, I am not personally a fan of ruffles the sheer border really does soften the overall look.
Number 17: Off To The Races
This bridesmaid dress looks like Jane would really be popular at the Melbourne Cup. I really do like the 80s vintage dress with the lace overlay and how the hat enhances the overall aesthetic. However, this outfit feels out of place and Jane needs to teleport herself back to where the outfit would benefit would get the praise it deserves.
Number 16: Kevin Doyle was right
On the hanger, the dress seemed harmless enough. But the moment Jane slipped it on, Kevin’s point was proven. The colour was oddly unsettling, and not even a photograph could redeem it.
Number 15: Wedding Dress Look Alike
As gorgeous as this dress is on Jane, it is far from that of a bridesmaid. It is somewhat reminiscent of something Elle Woods would wear as a wedding dress. Which begs the question is the bridesmaid dress was so extravagant what was the bride wearing?
Number 14: Lilac
The lilac satin dress is one of those looks that’s equal parts sweet and slightly questionable. The colour itself is dreamy, soft, romantic, and flattering under almost any lighting. Satin, however, is notoriously unforgiving; every wrinkle, pull, or misstep shows. Paired with the layered ruffles for sleeves gives an almost prom-night energy from the 80s. While the silhouette might flatter Jane’s figure, the combination of shiny satin with the design deems this dress far from being timeless and chic.
Number 13: Welcome to the Dark Side.
You got to give Jane props for clocking in to every theme with full force, given this Goth theme. Although I do appreciate the dark cohesiveness of all the dresses in terms of simplicity and flare. My mind can’t help but wonder on about how uncomfortable those chokers are and the pressure Jane had not to gauge someones eyes out.
Number 12: Suns out Bums Out
When it comes to depicting an LA wedding, this movie nails it, especially with Jane forced into a wildly inappropriate dress. Still, I can’t deduct too many points, because the dress does make her look like she’s about to walk the runway.
Number 11: Ride a Horse, Save a Cowgirl
I might be a bit biased on this one but I do love a Western theme, I got to give the overall point to the accuracy. I can’t help but ignore the sheer look of terror of Jane’s face with the having to navigate the just as confused horse.
Number 10: Orange Creamsicle Ballerina
If you asked most women in their twenties whether they’d cosplay as a ballerina for a bridesmaid gig, I’m guessing the answer would be yes, or maybe that’s just me. I love how Jane lights up in this dress; it’s as if she’s indulging her inner child. The endless bows, however, feel completely unnecessary. Compared to the other looks, this one only takes first place if Jane’s performing in a recital, which, of course, she isn’t
Number 9: Surprisingly Recyclable
As iconic as this dress is, making its debut when Jane meets Kevin and later proving its agility in her scramble for the bouquet, it also shows surprising versatility. Further proving this point we see Casey repurpose it by styling the sash, with a blouse for work. For innovation alone, not to mention its timeless appeal, this dress earns its place here.
Number 8: Lovely Lavender
This kimono is a masterpiece of design and elegance plus the colour really makes Jane’s complexion glow and hair colour pop. As stunning as this is, I can’t help but wonder when does it teeter the line of cultural appreciation to appropriation. It’s hard to imagine her rewearing such a piece outside of this setting, which makes the choice feel more like a costume than a celebration of the culture it represents.
Number 7: Mother of the Bride
Two words… THIS COLOUR! I know this dress definitely radiates mother of the bride. I can’t deny favouring a cute matching set with a stunning bolero that highlights the exquisitely tailored cinching of the gown. I definitely do think that the colour definitely helped its case with how high up the dress is placed in this ranking.
Number 6: Here comes the MIB
Basic as it may be I do love a gender swap moment as a power move. I think that with the a little better tailoring, a better hair do and some accessorising this ‘bridesmaid’ dress would be one to remember.
Number 5: Cha Cha My Way
I have always had a no ruffles policy, personally it can be overwhelming to see and overstimulating to wear. However, in the case of this bridesmaids dress I can definitely make an exception. When the positive attributes outweigh the negatives, we are definitely heading in the right direction. The colour combination with the stunning beaded embroidery radiates a perfect summer day. I definitely could do without the obnoxious ruffles and would have preferred a fit and flare look. I do believe this dress will be one for the wedding guests to remember.
Number 4: Barbie Fairytopia
This dress looks like she wandered straight out of a pastel fairytale kingdom, the kind you’d find on a Barbie VHS cover circa 2005. On the other hand I do favour a good colour combination, and this bridesmaid dress definitely hits the mark. Having the stunning theme of the aquamarine blue layered with gorgeous lavender tulle and embroidery carried through to the accessories, definitely gave this look extra points.
Number 3: Nama-slay
I’d like to give a round of applause to the bride that had Jane wear a sari sporting the combination of a beautiful marigold and rich fuchsia. This definitely added a more regal and colourful touch what could have been a basic monochromatic sari. Not to mention all the gold detailing tied in with gold ballet flat’s add that cherry on top. Having Jane attend this wedding proves to me why I loved movies back in the 2000s always made to to have some sort of cultural diversity and had it represented beautifully.
Number 2: P-E-R-F-E-C-T
Out of all the bridesmaid dresses we have seen so far, this has got to be the most subtle yet, elegant pieces of this all. Its praise begins with it adding that perfect pop of colour that a bride would need on her wedding day. Additional points go to it being void of any awful volume, layering or beyond than life accessories. This is rightfully deserves this place as it would be suitable for ALMOST any wedding theme the bride decides to throw on her special day.
THE DRESS
To quote the coveted Coco Chanel “simplicity is the key note to all intelligence” . In contrast to the parade of bride maids dresses on standing up along side Jane on her wedding day, the choice of wearing a simple wedding dress with a classic silhouette was perfect. To top it off her spectacular love struck smile made the perfect accessory. Nonetheless I bet one of the guests followed in her footsteps and was looking at the grooms reaction instead.